It’s the start of my favorite season (not just because of Halloween and all the candy I bum off my kids at the end of holiday), but because one of my favorite things to do starts in the Fall: coaching middle school cross country. As much as I enjoy working with my runners and watching their self-confidence and resilience develop, the other part of the ‘job’ involves a good deal of emailing and planning. The drawback? My “entertainment” time takes a cut (I do love my inspirational movies).
A friend of mine had suggested I look into ‘Ted Talks.’ These talks are filled with speakers who present on a variety of topics with great passion, and usually they span anywhere from 10-15 minutes. Perfect, I thought. Although I don’t watch the YouTube videos while driving (something about safety first and actually getting to work), I began listening to Ted Talks on my drives to my office. I’ve listened to a good number of them over the last few weeks, but the one that hit home was called, “What Reality Are You Creating for Yourself?”, by Isaac Lidsky (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=cmpu58yv8-g). An amazing man indeed; graduated from Harvard at 19, owned his own construction company, was even on a TV show at one point. A man with great goals only matched by his insight, but the only thing was … he was blind.
“We constantly tell ourselves what we can or cannot do.” Lisky said.
I thought about this, and some of the truths I hold dear in my life. What proof other than my own belief in them did I have that they were absolutes? Did I even choose them?
“What we see is a unique personal virtual reality, that is masterfully constructed by our brain.”
His words felt like a memory that I stored away long ago, forgetting where I put it. I had written a good deal of theory before writing “Changing Your Weather,” about how objective reality can never be taken in ‘pristine and unsullied’ through our five senses. My thoughts scattered as I focused in on Isaac’s voice saying that our brains use our opinions, beliefs, feelings, memories, and our conception of the world while we are using our sight. And what we see impacts how we feel. And how we feel can literally change what we see. I know this is true for me. If I am starting a trail run, the same ‘little’ hill in the beginning of a run can literally look and feel like Everest when I am sweaty and tired heading back to the car.
I pulled over to get some gas and found myself parking in front of the General store (I still have 20 minutes before work, I thought, as I sat, sipping my coffee). Watching the video now, looking at the man who, although was blind, felt as if he was seeing a great deal more than I was.
“You create your own reality and you believe it,” he said, “and your fears distort your reality.”
I began to think on how all of my emotions do just that — color my reality. When I consider the possibility of not governing my emotions, I would have no ability to govern my reality. This realization became very vivid to me.
My truth.
My five senses are not the villains, high-jacking my reality, but instead are merely the messengers that relay the information to my brain. If I ‘believe’ my reality is ‘out there’ (in the external world), and I passively accept all that my five senses are offering up as absolute truth, then my choices deteriorate as to how I shape my internal reality. The only reality I live with day in and day out.
Isaac said, when he was faced with the fear that he would lose his sight, he was sure it would ruin his life. Had faith it would. Faith in his fear was easier to accept than an unknown future of blindness. How many times, I thought, have I acted (or not acted), because of a future moment I hadn’t seen yet, but believed would be disastrous. Rational thought or intentional action was blocked by fear, and I was choosing that fear over the unknown, welcoming an assumption over a possibility.
There were many ways to practice this discipline, according to Lidsky. These are the ones that stuck with me:
- Hold yourself accountable.
- See beyond your fears (or any emotion by realizing it is just that — an emotion, not a truth).
- Recognize your assumptions
- Harness your internal strength
- Silence your internal critic
- Understand your strengths and weaknesses
- Open your heart to your bountiful blessings (be grateful for everything… even the things you think aren’t such a blessing in the moment)
“You are the creator of your reality,” Lidsky said.
And it hit home for me. It hit home because I chose for it to hit home. And there were all kinds of emotions that showed their heads when I did. Fear that I let too much time go by. Skepticism that it was just some 11-minute talk and that I would never actually try and do something about it for myself. Anxiety that a great deal more uncomfortable emotions would soon be on their way to put up mental road blocks between my ability to critically think and act on what it was I wanted to do.
I chose to write down and look at some well entrenched beliefs in my life. Chew on some very difficult emotions through the process, look at them squarely, and question their validity. Seeking out the ‘emotional gremlins’ that have latched onto me, blinding me to the success of my previous workshops with doubt about the upcoming ones. The emotions that keep a fog of fear around me, hindering my action of putting out my second book, “Daniel and the Velcro Pocket” even with the rich, warm acceptance of many of my first book.
Will these gremlins go away completely? Absolutely not. Have they lessened a bit? Some. Why? Because I see them. I’m mindful of them, and that is the worst thing to them, because it means you know THEY are not YOU.
Knowing they’re there is my first step (in many to come) in choosing to live with without their influence over my actions. I believe with practice and time my fears will tire out and lessen (fatigue makes cowards of us all… even our emotional gremlins). I will be able to think more clearly and have more choice over my reality. Thank you, Isaac, for helping me realize that I do not have to believe everything I see.
