There are very few things that I can’t make a mental/emotional tool out of to help me stay motivated and focused. I LOVE finding new books, re-reading old books that inspire me, watching movies where the main character(s) have strife to deal with (subject matter varies greatly, I just need to witness the struggle). I like watching professional athletes handle pressure and succeed at their craft of choice, as well as how they handle their setbacks when the cameras are in their faces, and they need to feel their disappointment and frustration, but keep ownership of themselves. My latest ‘find’ for tools comes in the way of TED Talks, which seem to give extremely passionate and articulate people a platform to inspire others on a variety of subjects.
I recently watched a TED talk featuring a humble, yet funny man named Matthieu Ricard. His background is that of a microbiologist, but his faith led him to go into the mountains and live his faith as a Buddhist monk. Ricard had an amazing vantage point as to what true happiness was. He believed there was BIG difference between ‘happiness’ and the ‘pleasure’ you receive from objects, and that the main difference was time. You see, Ricard believed that any object that gave us ‘pleasure’ had a ‘shelf life.’ If you had it long enough, it would burn itself out through your experiencing it.
“Pleasure is contingent upon time, upon it’s object, upon nature – beautiful chocolate cake…First serving is delicious, second one, not so much, third one we feel disgust… it sort of uses itself as you experience it.”
My curiosity of grew as I watched this. Ricard’s concept of pleasure was made all the more relevant considering my phone had been dying (a very slow, painful death). In fact, I had to ‘reboot’ (if anyone uses that word anymore) it more than once just to finish watching Ricard’s TED Talk. I can tell you I ‘thought’ I was feeling HUGE happiness when I had ordered a new phone a couple days ago. But if I’m honest with myself, after ordering it, I was already experiencing pleasure’s ‘law of diminishing returns’ (which Ricard described so perfectly through cake). Would it come in working order? Would it come on time?
I know true, lasting happiness can’t be bought, sold, or held with a tight grip. Even if the object in my hand was impervious to ‘time,’ my feelings about it wouldn’t be. Funny how that didn’t seem to stop me from being human and wanting to extend the shelf-life of my pleasurable ‘iPhoneious’ moment when I clicked ‘buy’ a few days ago. But if my true goal – everyone’s true goals, really, is to find lasting happiness, then we are going to need to know what it is we’re actually going after…
“If happiness is something that is going to determine the quality of every instance of our life, we better know what it is,” says Ricard.
Well, of course, I know what pleasure is! We all know it, when we experience it! I’ve been to Hershey Park, eaten ice cream, seen fantastic movies, and shared wonderful experiences with family and friends! I was getting a brand new awesome phone for crying out loud, and with that, I KNEW that the pleasurable experience of having it was right around the corner (Amazon said Wednesday actually ). We should enjoy, savor, and be fully invested in the moments of pleasure that we find ourselves in, because, Lord knows, we will be fully present for the uncomfortable moments in our lives. But when it comes to comparing true, lasting joy to pleasure, we’re comparing apples and oranges.
Pleasure is an emotion, and emotions are fleeting. They don’t last. Happiness is the ability to have all of your emotions and remain centered within yourself. While I have the ability to understand this (intellectually), I find ‘knowing’ it (walking the path through practice) challenging at times to say the least. So, it was good to hear Ricard put it another way:
“Joy is a deep sense of serenity and fulfillment. A state that pervades and underlies all emotional states and all the joys and sorrows that can come one’s way… Look at the waves coming at the shore. When you are at the bottom of the wave, you are hitting rock (unhappiness), when you are at the top, surfing the wave, you are riding high (elation). When you look at the high sea, there may be storms, but the depth of the ocean is still calm.”
My most truly ‘happy’ moments in life have less to do with how much pleasure or pain I’m feeling, and more to do with how content I am with myself and my actions regardless of my emotions. How I handle, celebrate and stay present throughout all my experiences in my life, while still allowing myself to feel all of my feelings. I believe this determines the ‘depth’ of my joy, a joy that can only be found through serenity of mind.
I write this as my phone gasps one more time, and my mind fast forwards to that moment when my Amazon box arrives on my doorstep in a ‘glowing halo.’ I will be free of all technological frustrations. For good, right? I know, I know. There will be a wide variety of things that come up to frustrate and elate me as I go through this phone ‘change over.’ I do thank Ricard for his reminder that pleasure comes from a moment, and true joy comes from the ‘practice’ of realizing it’s only a moment in a vast sea of moments. I will practice staying in the moment, regardless of how uncomfortable or comfortable my feelings are, KNOWING that they will pass over the vast depths my mind like waves on the ocean.
