I’m sitting in a coffee shop trying to find the courage to stay in the fight and continue to move forward with my work. The hardest thing I’ve found is allowing for mistakes. What does that mean? I’ve just been looking at other speaker’s web sites and it’s left me feeling so overwhelmed and uncertain of the direction I should go to update my own site that I end up just deciding to stay with what I have.
You see, anxiety has always been an emotion of mine that lingers around change. Not just any change but change that’s close to my heart. Let me give you an example: if I’m changing the shirt I’m going to wear to a talk because I’ve decided a darker blue rather than a lighter one (it’s always blue ????) makes me feel more comfortable, chances are I’m going to make that decision and feel right as rain within minutes. When I step out onto the stage later, I will feel fully confident in that change. However, if I’m considering a different way of marketing myself and I feel a bit uncomfortable with whether my message is being conveyed correctly (which is very intimate to me), anxiety will find me at the local café, public library, hell, even long after I’ve put my work away and am sitting watching tv with my family. When my discomfort is that huge, I can end up defaulting to what I know. The devil you know and all that jazz…
But here’s the thing, most likely in order to best improve my marketing or how I present my information, I need to fail (or if that word irks you, let’s just say ‘go through a great many trials’). In order for me to develop a new, more effective and authentic marketing plan than what I have used to date, I need to change, and I need to try new and different things – things I have had no experience with, many of which may not be successful.
If we’re honest with ourselves, mistakes, or even the possibility of making a mistake, causes us real discomfort. But, if you are really trying to do something new or differently, you will get a lot of discomfort at your doorstep, which is no laughing matter. So, how do we find the courage to move forward knowing full well that we are going to fail?
We need to redefine failure!
Actually, don’t just stop at a new definition, go all the way – rename it. Not Ted or Sally, name it appropriately…
Setback!
Good. Now what does that mean: setback? We can be literal and say it means being forced to take a couple of steps backwards while pursuing something.
We can also make it personal. Better!
Define what a setback is for yourself. Truth be told, when I think of the word, it literally reminds me of “sit back.” This word association triggers my internal coach to pipe up and suggest:
“Take moment. You’re going in the wrong direction. You’re still in pursuit. Sit back and reflect. Is there anything you’ve learned from what you just tried? If so great. If not, get back up once you’ve caught your breath and try again.”
It is this getting back up after a setback that builds the courage and resilience necessary to actually make any real change in my life.
With that redefinition, I take a sip of my coffee and send an email to my web developer asking to meet and talk about changes I need for my website. I’m still not sure what exactly those changes are, but I know that changes are necessary. An, although it’s uncomfortable knowing it’ll most likely take a bunch of “sitbacks,” I\’m moving forward. After all, I believe in the importance of building emotional resilience. And I know that if I want to reach even more people, I’ve got to do more marketing. Changes in my website is a great place to start!
