Turbulence. Why am I bringing this up? Well, I can’t go to the bathroom. I’m not being held against my will anywhere, it’s just that I’m on a plane and we aren’t being allowed to get up right now because there is too much turbulence. Granted, I’m not at that ‘critical urge’ stage yet (I’d be hard-pressed to find someone reading this who doesn’t know what I mean). But I am beginning to ponder if I’m going to have to deal with that excruciating moment where I am either praying in silence in my seat, or offering skittles to a child if he’d just let me just cut the line.
You’ve probably heard me talk about not living a thousand deaths, stay in the moment — the moment that you are in, and that’s all true. But right now? The moment I keep creating is being fueled by my impulse to look at the fasten seatbelt light every 10 seconds. I can tell you it hasn’t dimmed one bit. My wife is laughing hysterically watching “JoJo Rabbit”. But me? My mind has its attention in laser-like focus fantasizing about stealthily unbuckling my seatbelt (I’ve already been called out on this by a militant flight attendant who believes “the belt” is going to save me if we crash-land into the Atlantic Ocean ????) and army crawling my way up the aisle to the bathroom.
How do I feel? – I feel like I’ve got to go! Alright, I actually don’t feel like that…yet. But I could! What I can do is identify that I feel a pretty solid build-up of anxiety about a bathroom incident that has only happened on paper ???? (no not that paper, this paper ???? — the blog you’re reading).
Why is this happening? Well,truth be told, I don’t like being stuck in this aircraft. I imagine that most of us don’t. Worst case scenarios are common thoughts before take off for a lot of us, and they don’t all have to do with flotation devices and whether or not we are willing to be cannibals or create a friend named “Wilson” on our own private island.
What do I want? I need to go to the bathroom! Alright, I really don’t need to go that bad…yet. What I want is to be “free to move about the cabin” rather than stuck in my seat eyeing the fasten seatbelt light, keeping a free hand on my buckle, so as to get a jump on the competition for the toilet. Truth be told, even if I do get in there before anyone else…I don’t really have to go that bad. So, what do I really want?
I want to be able to relax and enjoy this 4-hour flight.
So how am I going to act in my own best interest? Let’s start with a bit of acknowledgement. Not self-judgement. Not a condemnation of my anxiety (no villainizing here). Let’s just acknowledge that the information my anxiety is giving me could be helpful if I was in actual need of the bathroom. In reality, this is more of a ‘what if’ simulation that my mind is creating (like running an emotional fire-drill), but that’s it. It’s a mental simulation creating an emotion I don’t want or need. Not at the moment anyway. So. while I appreciate the concern, brain, I get you are only looking out for me, it’s unwarranted at the moment.
I’m calling in my internal coach, and I’m fairly sure what she’s going to say:
“Let’s take it to court. The red light’s been on for 10 minutes. The captain said it was maybe on for another 10-15 minutes tops. That’s half a sitcom. One decent TED Talk. A chapter in the book you are reading.
No one has ever told a story about the time they wet themselves because they had to wait a whole 15 minutes to get to the bathroom… And your ‘urge’ hasn’t really even started yet. Now how about finding something else to put your mind on? Read your book. You were watching ‘Ali’; who doesn’t like Will Smith? He should have totally won an Oscar by now! Does he have one? I don’t know, but either way, you love that flick. You should finish it up while…”
The light is off! There’s still turbulence mind you, but I guess an acceptable amount because I’m free to go line up and wait for my chance to hit the bathroom. Honestly, I really don’t have to go yet. Right. But I’m proud of myself. I called in my internal coach before things got nasty. I didn’t wait for a full-out problem to manifest. I made the best of the situation. Or, better yet, I made the situation what I wanted it to be, instead of allowing my anxiety to navigate my total in-flight experience. I watched a bit of Ali. I read my book. I even wrote a blog. Alright, I do have to go now. ????
