My middle school runners are nervous. Of course they’re nervous, I’m nervous for the same reason. It’s a home meet. Not to brag or anything, but the middle school cross country team I coach is really good this year. As I look around the field about an hour before the race is actually going to happen, I see many more people than I usually do at our meets. A good reason for this is because our school is known for their cross country. But, because it is a home meet, many more families are able to attend.
Kids are some of the most perceptive people that you’ll ever meet. This is because their emotions are usually running pretty high. They do not like to be embarrassed, anxious, or uncomfortable. In fact, I don’t know anybody who does. But knowing that the hotdog vendor is probably your father, that the kids that are watching the race are probably kids that you know from school, and that you’ve run on these trails more than anybody else has in the past six weeks, you actually feel a responsibility to win…
When I say this to most people, usually the question I get is how do you dampen the environment? How do you make it so that the kids (or you yourself) don\’t allow the environment to take such a hold on them? The answer is simple: we\’re looking at it the wrong way. We need to have a perspective shift.
Let me explain.
The people are there to cheer us on and motivate us. The runners that will be in front of us are pulling us along, while those behind us will encourage us to go faster. The fact that your father is at the hotdog stand means that he cares and that he’s going to be there for you no matter how you perform in the race. Your friends and family and people that you know are there solely to give you energy and not to judge you. The fact that you know the course so well gives you an advantage, because not only has it made you a better runner, but it has toughened your mind and raised your courage. The truth of the matter is…
People, places, events, and situations are tools to help you create your emotions. Your environment cannot create emotions within you. Only you can do that.
I gave a little bit of a speech like this to my runners before they toe the starting line. I let them know that the anxiety that you feel before you go out to try and do your best is a normal and natural thing. But, I add, you are creating the anxiety and you are creating that pressure on yourself. A little bit of it is good, a lot can be detrimental. But, you are always governing whether or not you’re going to have it. If your performance matters to you, you’re going to have a lot of it.
So, how do you get to the place where you decide how much is there? Use the tools that are around and within you. Go to your father and get support. Goof around and play with your friends before the race to lower the seriousness of it. Remind yourself that you’ve had many races before, and you will after, and this one doesn’t dictate who or what you are, it’s only a moment in time. As you go through these tools you’re going to find that you are able to control and govern the emotions that you feel. You will lessen the anxiety and build some confidence as you realize the ability you have to govern yourself and your emotions.
My runners go out to the starting line. We do our cheer. Then, all I can do is wait for the starting gun to go off. I can see them fidgety and nervous, but it’s a lot less than before we had our conversation. Their eyes are not darting around as much to the other teams. They are more focused on where I’m at, holding my hat high above my head in our standard ritual that lets them when it’s time to do what they’ve practiced 100 times…their best.
If you would like help lessening your fear and anxiety, reaching your goals, breaking habits, or creating new ones, I’d love to work with you. We can meet virtually or in person at my office in Waterbury, Vermont. Just click the button or the link below for a free consultation and let’s talk.
