The very first thing we need to know about our emotions is that they are a language. In fact, it’s the very first language that we ever learned. Think about it: when you were born, the very first sound you made was not, “Excuse me. I would like a warm blanket and the temperature to be kept around 70 degrees, maybe some baby food—I prefer pears, but I will take apple if that\’s all you have.” That’s not what happened!
What happened was immediately after you were born you started screaming at the top of your lungs. Now nobody knew if it was because you were cold, or hungry, or scared, they just knew you were uncomfortable. You were in pain and you were expressing it in the first language you had—your emotion. You had nothing else, just your emotions.
Now, your parents hadn\’t spoken with pure emotion in a long time. They used their reason and logic–mostly their frontal lobe, really–as well as English or whatever language they speak, because it was a very good way to communicate and be understood. But they immediately understood that you needed something and they tried to figure out what would help.
“Oh my gosh! Does he want baby food? Is it breastfeeding time? What is it that we have to do? Should we get him a blanket?” Your father was checking your diaper, your mother was too! It was all because of two very real and valid reasons. Ok, maybe three… The first reason was because they love you, they\’re your parents and you matter. The second reason was because, my God, they needed to get some sleep and you needed to shut up. (It is hard hearing a baby scream all night, I have children.) The third reason is because they knew how to listen and read emotions as a language even if they haven\’t done it in a long time.
In reality, parents do it all the time; they\’re just not aware of it. In fact, so does pretty much every person on the planet. We have to recognize emotions is a language that needs to be verified and bonafide. We need to know it like the back of our hand. We need to know it like breathing. We need to know it like English, Spanish, or whatever languages you speak.
Think of it like this, have you ever in your life had anyone tell you that knowing two languages is bad? Have you heard somebody say, oh I’m fluent in Spanish, Chinese, and Japanese, and I also speak a little bit of Russian. Did anyone ever respond by saying, “Oh what a moron! Hey, forget all those languages, all you need is English. You can communicate so much better with just one language. Stop studying other languages, burn your books, forget about it, it’s not important.” You never heard this, because it\’s ridiculous to say it! The more languages you speak, the more information you can get, and the better connection you can have with people who might not speak your language as their primary or first language.
Emotions are a language just as rich as spoken languages. You may be talking to someone who may be more emotional, more expressive in their face, in their body language, in the tone of their voice, and the way that they speak. As a result, what you feel off of them helps you understand and relate to them better. Another person might be more stoic, more logical, and you listen to their arguments from a logical perspective and break that down and understand what is going on for them, but you might have a greater difficulty really knowing all they are trying to communicate.
You are not at a disadvantage for being emotionally expressive or sensitive, you are only at a disadvantage when you are under-trained in the language of emotions. When you don’t know how to use the language of emotions you may be unable to get across what you need and what you want, or you are unable to understand what other people need or want. But, when you take the time to retrain yourself in the language of emotions, your ability to communicate with others and make authentic connections will expand exponentially.
If you would like help building your emotional vocabulary, lessening your fear and anxiety, reaching your goals, breaking habits, or creating new ones, I’d love to work with you. We can meet virtually or in person at my office in Waterbury, Vermont. Just click the button or the link below for a free consultation and let’s talk.
