It’s a new year and that means setting new goals for ourselves. Many of us resolve to get in better shape, exercise more, run a race, or try a new sport. We might resolve to try for that new job, relationship, or just to be better parents to our kids. Regardless of the goals we set, we often stop pursuing them almost as quickly as we start when they feel too hard or we experience a setback. Consider this: when you avoid something just because it is difficult, then you become a prisoner to it.
I had a chance to talk to my Athletic Director at the school where I coach. I have a lot of respect for him and we get along well. He’s an easy-going guy, he’s got a lot of character, and the kids really respond to him. He and I often find ourselves having philosophical discussions that start out easy enough and then we dive deep.
Our most recent conversation started out by him asking me about my recent hundred-mile race finish. He then brought up a conversation he had with a guy who we both knew who did a 50-mile race. He’d asked the guy what we ultra-runners think about while we’re running those long distances. It’s a legitimate question and one that sometimes as a runner you feel like you have to have something really deep to share with people who don’t do what you do, so they don’t think that you’re bonkers. He was more coming from a place of admiration for the commitment it takes to do those distances.
He said, “I just hate f#!$ing running so much!” In fact, as long as I’ve known him, it’s always part of his narrative when we’re talking about running. He compliments me quite often, saying that I make running fun, and if anybody could get someone to run it would be me, though he wouldn’t do it because he “hates f#!$ingRu rning so much!” Any time we talk about running he will make a point to say, “You know my stance on this, right?!” This is where we usually break into the thing that I have said to kids, to adults, to my family, and my friends:
It’s not about the running.
I myself don’t particularly love the sport of running. If you go back about 200,000 years there’s a lot of cave people who didn’t consider running a sport at all! They considered it self-defense! (Process – Something big, furry, with fangs that can kill me + run (fast) from the thing that can kill me = not dinner for something big, furry, and with fangs.)
And I’m built like a linebacker. I’m not heavy, but I’m also not like the skinny little runners you see crossing finish lines in marathons, getting pats on the back for some obscene pace, while being handed trophies and checks. It’s uncomfortable for me for sure, But I can tell you this. It builds my physical, mental, and emotional game like no other sport. Why? Because running is pure. It’s unencumbered with special skills like say soccer, hockey, football, or lacrosse. Those sports that require skills become your focal point. By honing those skills, you get better at the sport. When you get better, maybe you can qualify and get invited to play in special leagues.
But the set of skills that you need to do well in running actually are the same as the skills you need to help you succeed at anything you’re not particularly fond of. The greatest skill set that you can learn from any sport, in fact anything in life, is that if you hate something and you don’t do it, even though you want to, then it owns you. Period.
Every single thing outside of us can be a tool to help us create victories within ourselves, or it can be used to keep us in our place. It keeps us in our place by giving up, or not even starting because it ‘feels’ too hard. Simply put, if we want to master ourselves and the emotions within us, choices of what we do or don’t do cannot be left up to the biological signals of energy in motion (aka, emotion) that is in our body. We have to be the ones that choose what’s best for us even in the face of fear, uncomfortability, embarrassment, shame, or uncertainty.
However, when we put an emotion in its place, recognizing it as an advisor that we can listen to regardless of how uncomfortable it is, only then we can decide for ourselves whether or not we want to take an action or not. We can choose to keep on doing or to stop doing whatever it is that is bringing that emotion up within us. By taking in the information our emotions are giving us, we are able to recognize whether the information is useful or not, and we can liberate ourselves to act in our own best interest rather than just react with a physiological knee-jerk.
So, in a few days or weeks, when you begin to experience the discomfort of actually going after the goal you’ve set for yourself, before you just give up or avoid taking that next step, make the choice to stop a moment and really listen to what your emotions are telling you. Are they letting you know that you truly hate what you are pursuing? Are you doing something that you would never do?
Ask yourself if taking that next step towards your goal would be worth it to help you achieve whatever it is that you’re going after. If the answer is ‘yes’, you don’t have any soul-searching to do, rather, you have ‘emotion-searching’ to do. Try to find out where those feelings are coming from and if they’re giving you false positives on what you should or shouldn’t do to improve your situation or circumstance as you pursue the goal you’ve set for yourself. The very thing you hate may be the very thing you end up loving because of what it can ultimately give you! Once you realize that, you are free–free to do whatever is in your best interest, not just the things that always ‘feel’ good.
If you would like to improve your ability to understand and listen to your emotions, lessen your avoidance of fear and anxiety, to reach your goals, break old habits, or create new ones, I can help. We can meet virtually or in person at my office in Waterbury, Vermont. Just click the button or the link below for a free consultation and let’s talk.
