It is so intrinsic for us to believe that we can buy our way out of pain. Maybe not always physical discomfort, by DEFINATELY mental or emotional. Just think about it…
When you hurt yourself physically, there’s always some form of recovery, physical therapy, massage,…there’s work to be done not just by your healthcare provider, but by you! Sure, these things often cost money, but they also require us to take some action, to do the exercises or take the medication prescribed. So why do we think we can simply purchase our way out of mental and emotional pain?
I doubt you grew up hearing, “Wow, that must be such a bummer that you broke your leg… just go out and get yourself a new car, I’m sure you’ll feel a lot better!” It may be true that you’ll feel pretty good, especially if you like the car, but I wouldn’t have to work too hard to convince you that it wouldn’t heal your leg. You might even tell me that you know that will probably just help you feel better temporarily, but you’re still gonna have to do something about that leg if you want it to heal. It is absolutely no different when it comes to our brains–specifically our minds.
When we have anything that we feel is ‘broken’ or ‘injured’ within us mentally or emotionally, we truly believe that taking a trip, going on vacation, heading off to a movie or a concert, buying that new wardrobe that we want, or a good meal, or even indulging in an old vice like alcohol, tobacco, or candy (I know nothing about that 😉 ). We believe that any (or all) of these things will solve the problem.
It’s never the case.
When we buy things that seem to give us temporary relief from our uncomfortable emotions like fear, anxiety, disappointment, or shame, not only do these things not actually make us feel ‘better’, but they serve to distract us from our present emotional ‘injury.’ I would define that relief as numbing our emotions rather than as feeling good. Just like your leg, mental or emotional pain isn’t gonna’ get better with a purchase of a Ferrari. Although your friend group might grow… Using money to buy things to numb your emotions when you’re having a mental or emotional break or bruise that needs attention is just putting off the inevitable and costing you lots of cash.
So, how do you treat your mental or emotional pain?
Invest in yourself. It usually doesn’t take a lot of money, but it will take some time and effort. As we all know, we’d rather spend money to fix the problem quickly than work on a problem over time to fix an issue, mental, emotional, or otherwise. There is no pill that you can buy for any amount of money that’s going to make you incredibly lean and muscular, or believe me people would probably buy it. But, even if you didn’t have money for a single month of a gym membership, you could still do push-ups, sit ups, run, and change your diet to get yourself in shape. It wouldn’t cost you a dime, it would just cost you energy, time, and effort. Your emotional health is the same. Invest the time to stop and identify how you are feeling. Consider what might be causing you to feel that way and why that is so. Read other of my blogs to learn more about these techniques.
Take the time to figure out what will help you feel better. Crazy I know right? But how much time do we actually think about the things that actually make us feel confidence, joy, or connection? Again, a lot of the time, it’s not spending on big ticket items, but instead it’s spending time with friends and family, or simply doing the activities that you love to do. For me it’s running. For you it might be basketball, violin, or acting. It really doesn’t matter what the tool is, it matters more how it can support your mental and emotional health.
So before you buy that iced latte cappuccino thingy (never good with those names), book that flight to God knows where for an activity-packed distraction of a vacation that you’ll just end up needing a vacation from, just stop. Take a few deep breaths. Relax your body. And ask yourself this question: Do I really want whatever I am planning on buying right now at this very moment, or do I want the feeling that I believe it’s going to give me? If the answer is the latter, you’re halfway there to creating your own emotional state…without the need to finance it 🙂
If we look, a lot of times we can find things that don’t cost a dime and give us a wealth of not only helpful emotions, but release us from the grip of unhelpful ones.
If you would like to learn tools and skills to help you improve your emotional aptitude, reduce your emotional isolation, lessen your avoidance of shame, fear, and anxiety, and enable you to reach your goals, break old habits, or create new ones, I can help. We can meet virtually or in person at my office in Waterbury, Vermont. Just click the button or the link below for a free consultation and let’s talk.
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