I’ve been running with intermittent leg pain for the last two weeks and I can tell you one thing, my moods have been all over the place. That doesn’t mean that I have to act everything out like I’m in a sitcom. I’m very aware that I can get irritated easily. When the pain goes away all of the sudden, I feel carefree and light. But, when it comes back just as suddenly, I feel, well, let’s just say less than agreeable.
If you’ve been watching my videos for a long enough time, you’ll see that some of them are actually more humorous than others. Some of them feel very light and easy-going, or sometimes I may feel like I’m in a bit of a more serious mood. Some people tell me that presenting myself more consistently is more agreeable to viewers. The problem with that is I’m an emotional resilience coach. The point I’m usually trying to make in my blogs and my videos is that all emotions and moods are normal.
If I’m being honest, which I usually am trying my best to be, the only time I ever seem to really run into any problems expressing myself to others is when I try to be in a mood that I’m not really feeling. Or I try to encompass an emotion that I’m not feeling. At least not yet. We see a lot of this in our society. That stoic, Marlboro-man expression, showing that nothing gets us excited, nor gets us down. The cowboy that won’t fall off his horse. But repressing our emotions long enough because of a fear of being uncomfortable can lead to overeating, over-drinking, or over-indulging in anything to continue to numb ourselves. Those emotions that haven’t seen the light of day for far too long can lead us to take them out on our loved ones. By the way, as far as loved ones go, that includes ourselves! Nobody likes to beat up mentally and emotionally on us like we do on ourselves. That’s where that whole inner critic thing comes from. That voice inside your head that tells you you’re not worthy, you’re not good enough, you’re not capable…
If we accept that all moods and emotions are normal, we wouldn’t need to repress or numb them. This is a really tall order, I understand that. The first thing I would invite you to consider doing, at least in private, is allowing for your difficult mood. I know, you are probably saying to yourself, “I do that already.” That might be true. But, take a look at when you see other people coming toward you, especially people that you don’t trust or feel close to. How quickly do you put on (try to ‘wear’) a different emotion than what you’re truly feeling? Sometimes this is necessary. We have jobs and it’s not always a perfectly good idea to let an entire class of kindergartners know just how angry you are about the person who cut you off on your way to school today. Fair. But if you do choose to hold back those emotions, at least know you’re doing it. Check in with yourself and know that you’re having the emotion, it’s normal to have that emotion, and that you’re intentionally making the choice to put yourself in a different feeling for the moment (you will have to allow yourself to feel that anger or frustration at some point and allow yourself to acknowledge it.)
Second, and this one comes up a lot in many different blogs, Vlogs, workshops and talks that I give, and it’s probably the most important, which is simply this: do everything you can to simply and gently stop judging yourself and others. If you allow yourself to have your moods, to be the different versions of yourself when you’re feeling those emotions without judgment, you’re going to notice that you don’t have to push them deep down inside your body. You’ll find that, when you allow them to flow through you, they don’t last as long as they normally would and you’re gonna get familiar with them. Familiarity breeds comfortability. This is one of the times that you’re going to hear me actually say that being comfortable with something, like being uncomfortable, is a good thing.
I’m walking now, so I feel a hell of a lot better. I know this because I ran a really good seven miles strong and I took the eighth mile to write this blog. I’m feeling confident from it–the run that is–and also from the fact that I got this blog done when I really didn’t need to do a blog yet this week 🙂. Do I think this emotion or mood will last? We can talk about the acceptance of how everything changes next week…
If you would like to learn tools and skills to help you improve your emotional aptitude, reduce your emotional isolation, lessen your avoidance of shame, fear, and anxiety, and enable yourself to reach your goals, break old habits, or create new ones, I can help. I provide emotional resilience coaching, so you can achieve your goals. We can meet either virtually or in person at my office in Waterbury, Vermont. Just click the button or the link below for a free consultation and let’s talk.
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