I\’m in Costco with my wife and, if we still have our strength, maybe we’ll go to Trader Joe\’s afterwards. We are going to get some supplies, but the idea is to get supplies for maybe the next three or four weeks, so that we are well-equipped in case some stores have to close. The idea is not to be stocked to the point where we can survive on our own until Daniel graduates college in two years. But, as I gaze into our enormous shopping cart that is already overflowing, I realize that’s a really tall order when you\’re feeling fear, doubt, and anxiety. Because, what happens is that fear and anxiety start to dictate the way you think and the way you feel and therefore your actions. If it didn\’t, well, let me just say we would probably have a few more choices of toilet paper on the shelves. But it does.
So, the very first thing that we need to do, myself included, is acknowledge that we\’re human. The easiest way to do that is with a little bit of humor, a bit of levity. Realize that, in these situations, what is not needed is self-judgment. What is needed is self-kindness—the ability to accept that this is what happens when we get scared of the unknown, when we are uncertain.
I think the next step we can take is to realize that it\’s not just us. We are not alone. Everybody is feeling this discomfort. Everybody is feeling uncertainty and worry and fear, and you need to feel them. They’re normal emotions to have inside you in uncertain times such as these. But you don\’t have to stay in those emotions. There is a choice when it comes to how you feel. Is it as simple as choosing what you\’re going to have for lunch? Not even remotely. Like training your muscles by pumping iron, or trying to attain mastery in a martial art, it takes time, commitment, energy and focus. What I’m saying is that you can do it. You can change the emotions in your body.
There are two ways (simple, albeit challenging) that you can change your emotions when you go into these Costco’s, Walmart’s, Trader Joe\’s, or wherever you\’re out encountering other people. You can practice gratitude and empathy for others. Take a moment to consider, when you look over at the person white-knuckling their tug boat-sized shopping cart, that they are feeling the same uncertainty and fear as you are. That you are all in it together. Acknowledge, with gratitude, that you are not alone in this. That you, as well as those around you, are dealing as best they can with this fear of the unknown we face right now.
Now that’s a tall order. A good deal of hard training. While we’re out, we need to understand that it’s not just about getting boxes of Raisin Bran and making sure there\’s enough soy milk in the house for three weeks of cereal eaters. Maybe we can also take a moment to make empathetic connections through a few kind words. Maybe we reserve our judgment and just a pause a minute before assuming someone cut us off in line or took more than “their share” of eggs. A smile of gratitude when we see that the person in front of us seems to have the same toilet paper fetish as we do right now. That we are not alone in it.Never underestimate just how powerful it is to be self-aware, to be aware not just of what\’s going around you, but what is going on within you as well. Even if you can’t change your thoughts or actions; just to have the ability to ‘pause’, realize that you\’re not at your best, and think about what you can do to help move your feelings into a different space can make the difference in whether or not your fear wins the day or you having choice over your life…and your shopping cart. ????
