It’s been at least a week and I feel like I’m in some sort of vacation haze. I made a vow that, during my vacation, I would practice my emotional resilience, my ability to identify all the emotions that were going on for me, as much as I could, so I could make choices as to how I wanted to feel. I know that there are a ton of things I’m actually grateful for from my trip, but sitting down now to write out my experiences, well…they\’re not coming to mind.
I know I got great runs in, I swam with dolphins in the ocean, my son joined us, and we all went to a movie. But all that my mind keeps showing me, or “rolling film” on, is the fatigue from the four of us in the same hotel room as if we were stuck in an escape room. Parking about 3 miles away from the pier with the carnival rides and the trek we made to see it in the 88° humid weather. That incredible fatigue that everyone who takes vacation “road trips” feels at the end of the day after you’ve put out WAY more energy than you usually do when you’re home!
I put in a lot of work on my emotional resilience, staying connected to how I was feeling. I focused on making smart choices during vacation, and putting in the practice of creating the feelings that I want. Was I perfect? Far from it. To be honest I didn’t expect to be. That’s why it’s called emotional resilience practice. I know this. But I also know that my practice wasn\’t all crap either, yet all I seem to be writing down is a “highlight reel” of all the sights and sounds of everything that didn’t feel good to me…
I need to write down and review EVERYTHING that happened.
If we give our minds half a chance they\’re going to fall into old patterns. When I say old patterns I mean seeing the worst in every situation. It isn’t that our brains are against us. They’re not twisting an evil mustache, trying to hijack all of our positive memories, and leave us on the tracks waiting for fear to just us run over. Our brains are trying to protect us. It’s a two-hundred-thousand-year-old survival mechanism in our brains interested only in keeping us alive. And it’s done a good job. But now? Maybe a little too good.
The number one thing our brains are going to give us to make sure that we don’t put ourselves in any kind of situation that could be a threat to life and limb is fear. Fine. The problem with this? Most things now are a threat to our ego rather than a threat to our life. Should we go back and tell the kid at Starbucks that he got our latte wrong? Should I ask that guy or girl out on a date even though I know there’s a possibility they’ll say no? Should I even sign up for that race knowing that there’s a possibility that I might not be able to finish it?
Are all of these important decisions that could lead to some discomfort if we choose to take them on? Yes.
Are they life-threatening? No.
I called this to mind as I sat there trying to review all that had happened during my vacation. I made myself a fresh cup of coffee and sat back down at my desk. Taking a deep breath I started again. This time I was able to truly record everything that happened during my vacation: all the good things, the challenging moments, the areas where I was able to be my best and times when I missed the mark, the funny things we shared, and the frustrations too. This full review helped me break out of my haze and truly appreciate the full experience of my vacation.
This is an incredible tool that we can use to make sure that, while we are reviewing our emotional resilience practice, we give a fair shake to everything that happened during the various challenges that we choose to take on, or those that come up in our lives. When we do this, we can begin to see where we are succeeding and where we can improve, so we can get better.
Tool: Create your black box! When an airplane has an accident it’s the black box that everyone looks to in order to learn exactly what happened when the plane went down. Investigators don’t look for the emotional responses of the passengers. Just the facts. That’s what we want–call up every fact of all that happened. You’re not reviewing your feelings about how well you did, but instead, everything you can remember that actually happened. Find a quiet spot, and spend the first 5 minutes with your eyes closed just trying to remember all the things that happened during your specific emotional resilience challenge. Next, try and put all those facts down on paper, or type them into your computer or phone, it’s up to you.
How to practice it: See if you can do this with at least one challenge you choose or need to take on each day. Next week, I’m going share about how you can take this black box and make it one of the most effective and inspiring tools you can use to practice your emotional resilience training, so that you only get better and better while you’re taking on the challenges that are so close to your heart or dealing with the ones that are brought to your doorstep!
I’d love to hear about how developing your black box went for you! Post your experiences in the comments below!
If you would like help lessening your fear and anxiety, reaching your goals, breaking habits, or creating new ones, I’d love to work with you. Just click the button or the link below for a free consultation and let’s talk.
