I could easily write this out as a captain\’s log like they do on Star Trek, or I could break it down hour by hour, but, I’m afraid I would bore you. In fact, I would probably bore myself. But, I am going to go through some of the more difficult times and some of the better times during my hundred-mile race this past weekend. Stay with me while we get on and off this emotional roller coaster together.
2pm – I cannot believe how bad my legs and feet were hurting at mile 28! You’ve got to be kidding me! I’ve trained like a house for this. I didn’t even have a training run less than 25 miles where I hurt like this! What did I do wrong? Something’s a mess here. I\’m never gonna make it to the evening.
5:30pm – I can go all day like this! I mean, yeah my legs are sore, but they aren’t any more sore than they are when I’m training. I feel like I’m in good spirits. I can probably do this all day. I’m calling out, “Good job!” to other runners, and they are cheering me on as well and smiling. I wonder how long into the night I can go?
8:30 – I feel terrible. My legs are sore and my body is aching. I seem to have slowed down. I’m watching other people talking and they don’t seem like they’re in any discomfort. How is that possible? I still have my stomach, but I’m tired, that kind of full body tired. Maybe I’ll just stop early tonight and not worry about any more miles, just stay for the duration of the race. That would be a win, right?
11pm – I mean I’m not any more tired than I ever was in a training run. I do realize that I’ve slowed up and I might not be catching 4 miles an hour, but I can go on like this for a while! My legs are sore and my feet are hurting like hell, but I’m OK. Maybe I don’t have to sleep after all? God wouldn’t that be awesome. I\’d probably make up some real time and catch real miles in this race. Wow! You know what I’m gonna do? I’m gonna try to go to 2 AM. It would give me so much confidence. I’d be over the 70 mile mark and who knows what could happen the next day! I’ll just stop for a moment, take a quick 10 minute nap, then I’ll be able to catch at least two more loops.
11:12pm – What the hell just happened?! There is absolutely no way I can go anywhere outside this car. I can’t believe it. I actually have to stop at mile 64. It’s going to be horrible to wake up, if I can wake up, and go any farther knowing that I have 46 miles left to go. I’ve done all I can do. Hopefully I can sleep and I’ll feel better, but who knows. I’ve never actually gotten up and felt OK after running 64 miles. But all I want to do is be warm right now.
2am – I’ve had absolutely no sleep up until this point. I am so frustrated.
4am – I’m changing positions, blankets, pillows (actually, just clothes bags standing in as pillows), anything I can do, so I can at least catch an hour of sleep before 5 AM. I have to get up at 5 AM if I’m gonna give this a shot.
5:30am – Oh my God! I think I actually slept. I can see the light of day coming up. I feel like a million bucks… Ok, maybe a little less, but at least a good chunk of change. Let’s see what it’s like to put my feet on the ground outside. I’ve got my legs! They don’t even feel that sore. My feet feel so much better! I feel like I can go all day. It\’s like a restart!
9am – 76 miles in! I feel like I can go all day. That’s good because I probably am. I know I’ve slowed down, but I don’t feel any worse for wear than I did yesterday, just maybe a bit more sore in the legs. My feet aren’t getting any worse, but, admittedly, they are close to intolerable.
12pm – I’m jealous that the race is almost over for most runners. I know I’m staying until I reach 100 miles at this point. People are willing to stay and crew me. I’m all in. I’m so tired and I just don’t want to see the night fall again while I’m still running, but the math says otherwise.
4:30pm – I can’t and don’t want to sleep, but I know I should rest. Take the 15 minutes I’ve built into my strategy to run–and finish–100 miles healthy. I only have two laps to go, but my anxiety is fixated on the time (and the oncoming night). It’s going to take me another 2.5 – 3 hours. Shit.
Emotions come and go, just like my pain. I look for rhyme, reason, a pattern, anything. Sometimes it’s there and sometimes it’s just not. The most important thing I’ve taken from this experience is that, although emotions go up and down like a roller coaster, I get to govern how I respond to them. My actions, my thoughts, and how I “feel” about all that happens is, well, up to me. A choice. Even when it doesn’t feel like it. And those choices lead to success, whether, like me, it\’s finally conquering 100 miles on foot, or it\’s you landing your dream job, or even just getting your toddler to bed. When we understand how to ride the emotional roller coaster and how to intentionally choose our responses, rather than reacting, we win!
If you would like help lessening your fear and anxiety, reaching your goals, breaking habits, or creating new ones, I’d love to work with you. We can meet virtually or in person at my office in Waterbury, Vermont. Just click the button or the link below for a free consultation and let’s talk.
