One of my favorite cartoons to watch over the holiday season is Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer. While I was giving it my usual Christmas viewing, I picked up on an incredibly important life lesson. I’m not talking about not putting people on the island of misfit toys just because they may be different from you, or the importance of never underestimating an elf just because he wants to be a dentist instead of a doll-maker. What I’m talking about is the bumble.
Now, if you watch the show, especially as many times as I have, you will see that the bumble, which is really the abominable snow monster of the North, is the sole villain, growling and snarling, until he later changes his tune. Every time this gigantic, white-furred yeti with long pointed fangs is seen by anybody, they freak out and run for cover. The story culminates with Yukon Cornelius, an intrepid explorer and a good friend of Rudolph, along with their elf friend, Hermey, removing the Snow Monster’s teeth. Without his fangs, not only does the bumble become less frightening to everybody, he actually becomes useful!
This reminded me of when I’m dealing with my fear. Truth be told, fear not feeling good is not a secret to anybody. But, just because an emotion doesn’t feel good, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t listen to it, or that it can’t be useful to us! The problem is the more we stay away from feeling fear, the more teeth we give it. When we avoid it, it keeps it’s legendary status of a big, emotional monster to run from at all costs. But what does that avoidance cost us? The things that we really want to do in our lives. The things that give us passion. Motivation. If we’re honest with ourselves, there is nothing in this world that we want to challenge ourselves with, that excites us, and motivates us, that doesn’t also scare us.
So how do we make fear useful?
Like good ol’ Yukon Cornelius, we don’t shy away from those situations that may have fear embedded in them. Instead, get curious about fear. What does it feel like in our bodies to have fear? What do our faces look like? What are our habitual ways of avoiding it? And, most importantly, why are we having for in the first place?
It’s this last question that becomes truly useful.
Every single emotion we experience has two purposes. One is to get our attention, and the second is to give us information. Let’s look at Joy. Honestly we have no problem taking information from joy, because, well…it feels good! The second part is even easier: why are you feeling joy? A multitude of answers may be obvious to you: because you just scored the winning touchdown, you just got a new job, you are in love and in a new relationship.
Ok, now let’s take a look and fear. First of all it feels crappy. That’s across the board. It doesn’t matter your race, ethnicity, or whether or not you\’re a Christmas elf. The question then becomes, why am I feeling fear? The common answer–you don’t even know that it’s happening! Or, you’ve numbed it into submission with drink, blame, sugar, shopping, you name it. We all do this because we’re human and don’t want to feel discomfort. But here’s the thing…you’ve already felt the fear, or you wouldn’t be numbing… Unfortunately, you just didn’t get the message as to why it was there or what it had to tell you
So, what are the ways we can take the teeth out of fear, keeping it from becoming a ferocious, emotional snow monster in our lives, and having actually become useful?
Start allowing yourself to feel fear – realize that unless it’s a sabertooth tiger or it’s 2000 years ago and a dinosaur is chasing you down, most things we feel are only a fear of damage to our ego not our life and limb. Build the courage to allow fear into your body, see where you feel it, in your face, in your hands, in your chest, all the way down to the bottom of your toes. Know everything you can about it, because the better you know fear, the more familiar it becomes. It’s intensity and duration lessens, in short…it loses its fangs.
The second thing you want to do is ask yourself what is fear telling me? The minute you ask yourself this question is the moment you seperate yourself from fear, because, as hard as it is to believe when you are in it…you are not your emotion! That’s right, I said it. You feel emotion, and that\’s it. The minute you ask yourself ‘why’ an emotion is there, it\’s like holding it up to a light for inspection, dissecting it, and asking yourself what can it teach me? How can this emotion help me? Whether the message is to avoid making a similar mistake, studying earlier because there is an important test coming up, or stepping into a challenge that matters to you, so you are not drenched in regret over the missed opportunity, it really doesn’t matter. What matters is that your fear transforms into the emotional bumble that it is, giving you a strong pause at first glance, then a helpful hand when you need it most… Happy Holidays!!
If you would like help building your emotional vocabulary, lessening your avoidance of fear and anxiety, reaching your goals, breaking habits, or creating new ones, I’d love to work with you. We can meet virtually or in person at my office in Waterbury, Vermont. Just click the button or the link below for a free consultation and let’s talk.
