Over the past six weeks I’ve had incredible experiences putting on workshops for middle and high school students. I can’t tell you how grateful I am for their participation, and sincere desire to learn how to use their emotions instead of being used by them. To be honest, there were workshops in there where I wasn’t sure if anything was getting through, and others where it felt like everything was falling into place perfectly!
If you read my last blog, you’ll understand why the last workshop of the series is always the most fun. Basically it’s like a giant arcade day, a plethora of prizes are given, lots of laughing, and everyone just has a really good time. And then there are ‘question rounds!’ What are those, you say? (I’m glad you asked.) Questions rounds are all about what they learned in the workshop. If you get a question right, you get to choose your prizes first! I also asked them to write down on cards what was most useful to them, what they still had questions about, and whether they would recommend the workshop to a friend (pretty standard survey fare 🙂
After the workshop, I got back to my office and started looking through the cards. I get that warm feeling of “I actually made an impact with these kids”, when I read what they learned, recalled how they answered the questions out loud in class, and how they would all recommend it to a friend. The one thing that concerned me though, was how many answered the second question, “write down one thing that you’re still not sure of.” Some answered, “I’m still not sure how to overcome my anxiety.”
I get it. I mean no one really wants to feel anxiety. It’s normal. I know back in the 1980’s (it’s still probably going on now) there was a skateboarding company with the tagline “no fear!”, and in many sports I played, I remember hearing that we were going to need to learn how to overcome our pre-game anxiety or jitters, if we wanted to crush our opponents (football was a ‘slightly’ violent endeavor then). What I didn’t realize at the time, is that when we try and ‘overcome’, or take on, or beat down and emotion instead of practicing ‘Emotional Acceptance’, not only are we in direct confrontational relationship with our emotions (They are your emotions) they also come back harder and stronger… especially the ones we’re not crazy about, like anxiety.
Dr. Kristalyn Salters-Pedneault a clinical psychologist and associate professor of psychology at Eastern Connecticut State University defines Emotional Acceptance as, “a practice allowing your feelings to be what they are without judging them or trying to change them. It involves being aware of your emotions and accepting that these feelings exist without trying to suppress or push them away.”
Now it’s true, that’s a tall order. But every emotion has something to tell you. Even the ones you’d rather give away, overcome, ignore, or leave at a bus terminal. But when we’re open to listening to them? They can be incredible advisors. Will we always take their advice, or better yet, should we? Absolutely not. But once we accept that we’re having them, and really listen to what they have to say, emotions like fear, anxiety, and self doubt, will cease to camp out in our bodies and brains. We will finally stop spending our waking hours devising ways to outmaneuver, overcome, or run away from them, freeing us up and our energy to pursue those things that are most important to us, even if well… they’re a bit scary.
If you would like to learn to fully experience life, reduce your emotional isolation, lessen your avoidance of shame, fear, and anxiety, to reach your goals, break old habits, or create new ones, I can help. We can meet virtually or in person at my office in Waterbury, Vermont. Just click the button or the link below for a free consultation and let’s talk.
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