It was another beautiful spring morning and I just finished a run in the woods. However, I was more than a bit exhausted because of the heat when I headed over to meet my family to watch my daughter’s soccer game. A great many people were so kind and supportive to me throughout the last week about my book “Changing Your Weather” being published, so it was no surprise to me when I got to the field and some awesome parents of kids that I’ve either coached, or just knew in connection to my own kids came over to congratulate me.
I was so appreciative of their interest, and honestly, yes, I am very excited that the book is out and the workshop is getting ready to get underway. But, truth be told, at that particular moment… I was hot and exhausted. A combination that I know leaves me feeling more anxious than anything else. I was feeling the deadline of my workshops drawing near, along with a good deal of my mind taken up over my left achilles tendon that hadn’t ‘quite agreed’ to be injury free for the marathon that I was signed up for in a week. I don’t think Vince Lombardi’s quote of “Fatigue makes cowards of us all” quite hits the mark, but at least “creates anxiety in me” is fairly accurate.
I had an ESPN response on the ready. I call it an ESPN response because it’s that kind of response that is imprinted into an athlete’s brain so when they are grilled in front of a news camera after a crushing defeat, they smile big, keep their negative emotions under wraps, and bring up only the positive aspects of their game. But I know how this goes for me. When I just ‘shine’ an ESPN response and hold back the ‘full truth’ of how I am feeling in the moment I usually ‘conveniently’ forget to acknowledge my negative emotions from the day (then I’ll watch them rear their unwanted heads in another completely unrelated area of my life). So… I had to ‘walk my walk’ which I find hardest to do when I am under duress…or at least under the heat of the sun.
I turned to the few people I was speaking with at the game and said, “I am sorry, but the heat is just beating me up a bit after my run. I am very excited about the book being out and thank you really for being happy for me, I’m just feeling off because my achilles tendon is ‘pounding’ and I’m hoping it will hold up for a marathon I have next week.”
Seriously, that’s all it took! Nothing but understanding and non-judgment came over their faces. I was told not to worry about it at all. Actually, one of the parents asked if I wanted their seat. It was funny. I had wanted to just sit and watch the game since I got there because of my leg, but for some mentally unregistered reason, I didn’t sit down like I needed to because I didn\’t want to show something was bothering me.
I said I appreciated the offer of the chair, but was happy to sit on the grass next to them. We all continued to watch the game, talk about all kinds of things as well as book-related questions. But I no longer felt as if I was holding an emotional weight. I felt lighter and more open to the conversations I was having. I had chosen to be open about what was going on for me in the moment. It didn’t mean I had to tell everyone every little glitch and discomfort that was going on for me in my life. But it was an honorable and respectful gesture to give the people I was talking with an idea as to where I was at emotionally, and trusting that my honesty would be met with compassion and understanding. And If it had been met with less than that from those around me (it happens to all of us from time to time), being honest with myself would have at least ensured the heat and exhaustion would lose some of their ‘hold’ over my emotions, leaving me more energy for the game and the people around me. Felt a bit of emotional honesty went a long way.
